mr. boombastic.

fear of failing. everyone has that fear, right? say yes. I am one of those people that has to self evaluate about every, I don't know, 15 seconds. I think a lot, I feel a lot, and I do those things hard. (that's what she said.)

I have a fear of failing, which often results in me not trying. or moving. or stepping out. I am slowly puttering up a hill that I think will change those things, once I reach the top and start sailing down.

puttering is better than nothing.

another thing I am currently fumbling with is remaining silent. I like to talk. to everyone. about everything. lately I am learning about relationship circles, and how I very easily put anyone and everyone in my closest circle. I don't think that is the way it is supposed to be. remaining silent is a good work out for me. brain work outs are just as exhausting as body work outs. I know, I checked, online.

so I know many of my blogs are me processing growing up and rambling on about feelings but that's where I'm at. I am growing up. I am realizing things, like I am not 17 anymore. which to you, is a very easy thing to realize about me. but inside, I will think and operate like 17 year-old Natalie, only to wake up one day and think, "whoa, I am not 17, and I have just spent a month or so thinking like I am." thinking like that girl does not benefit the life I am leading now. they should not mix, although I often let them only to look back and see the mess I created by unintentionally mixing them. but lucky for me, life goes on, life does not end once you realize your mistakes, it begins. a new life, a new day.

I am almost 26. I have been married for almost 7 years. I have been a mother for almost 4 years. these things define me, they have created a new me. I am still learning who she is, but I think I like her.

so, mr. boombastic. I really, really enjoy that song and always have.