fear of failing. everyone has that fear, right? say yes. I am one of those people that has to self evaluate about every, I don't know, 15 seconds. I think a lot, I feel a lot, and I do those things hard. (that's what she said.)
I have a fear of failing, which often results in me not trying. or moving. or stepping out. I am slowly puttering up a hill that I think will change those things, once I reach the top and start sailing down.
puttering is better than nothing.
another thing I am currently fumbling with is remaining silent. I like to talk. to everyone. about everything. lately I am learning about relationship circles, and how I very easily put anyone and everyone in my closest circle. I don't think that is the way it is supposed to be. remaining silent is a good work out for me. brain work outs are just as exhausting as body work outs. I know, I checked, online.
so I know many of my blogs are me processing growing up and rambling on about feelings but that's where I'm at. I am growing up. I am realizing things, like I am not 17 anymore. which to you, is a very easy thing to realize about me. but inside, I will think and operate like 17 year-old Natalie, only to wake up one day and think, "whoa, I am not 17, and I have just spent a month or so thinking like I am." thinking like that girl does not benefit the life I am leading now. they should not mix, although I often let them only to look back and see the mess I created by unintentionally mixing them. but lucky for me, life goes on, life does not end once you realize your mistakes, it begins. a new life, a new day.
I am almost 26. I have been married for almost 7 years. I have been a mother for almost 4 years. these things define me, they have created a new me. I am still learning who she is, but I think I like her.
so, mr. boombastic. I really, really enjoy that song and always have.
I so feel you! I am learning to embrace my almost 30 self as a wife and as a mother of two kids (two kids!), when so often I fall back into thinking I'm 19. 19! I'm not 19 any more. And it's time to embrace the "who" I am now...and she's almost 30. And she's a mom. And she has the potential to be really awesome and full of life if only I will set her free...
ReplyDeleteYes, I have that fear. Puttering is good. I like to putter too.
ReplyDeleteYour blurb about talking... made me think of this quote by Diadochus of Photiki whoever the hell that is, "When the door of the steambath is continually left open, the heat inside rapidly escapes through it; likewise the soul, in its desire to say many things, dissipates the remembrance of God through the door of speech, even though everything it says may be good...Timely silence, then, is precious, for it is nothing less than the mother of the wisest thoughts."
It is a quote that a friend of mine up here who has a published food blog put on one of her posts years ago and it has stuck with me ever since. I hope it encourages you to know that timely silence is a good thing.
Random song relation, but I love it. ��
ReplyDelete