why I write.

A dear friend of mine asked if I would be willing to write a blog about why I write. I accepted her challenge and here is the result. I want to warn you that the beginning of my writing career isn't the happiest of stories. It is painful and sad. If you aren't in the mood for such an intro, I advise you to move on and go about your internet-grazing way. (this is me being Jude Law in the movie Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events. Remember how he warns the audience that the movie is not a movie about a happy little elf? I wish I could somehow get Jude Law to narrate this blog for you, I really do.)
I took the liberty of making a list to get me started. I am going to share the list with you and then elaborate. So that way if you are in a hurry, you can just read the list of reasons why I write and then move on. I'm all about pleasing the people today, aren't I?
Reasons why I write(in chronological order):
1. coping mechanism
2. communicating
3. story telling
4. creative outlet
I was born a writer. I am not really sure how or why, but I know as soon I was old enough to pick up a pencil, I wrote. As soon as I was old enough to type, I put down the pencil and got a type writer, and as soon as there were such things as online journals, I had one. My relationship with writing began when I was very young, and it started as a
1. coping mechanism. When I was a child, there were many things going on around me that shouldn't have been exposed to such a young mind. These things made deep rivers in my head that were dried up and stuck, and all I could do to get the rivers flowing out into some kind of tangible destination, was write. I would pick up a pencil and write about what I felt. I would write these stories of pain, loss, death, and hopelessness. Some of these things I wrote, I still have, and when I look back and read them, I cannot imagine my own child expressing the things I was desperately trying to express at such a young age. I was angry, sad, confused, and, for lack of better word, haunted. I asked many questions in these early writings. Many of them were just sentences of whys. I felt I had no answer. I felt writing was my only escape, the only thing I could really understand. You know how many lonely characters in literature escape by reading books? (like Francie in A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Matilda, and Jane Eyre.) That is how I was as a child, but along with reading, I turned to writing my own stories. Writing started out for me as a way to cope with what was going on around me, things I could not comprehend. It quickly became my best friend and my favorite way of
2. communicating. I found as I started growing up, I would get very easily frustrated when I would try to explain what I was feeling or thinking. I couldn't quite get my words out and I remember many times where I would get overwhelmed and just start to cry. Eventually I just stopped trying, and wouldn't say anything. But when I really needed to communicate something, I wrote. I remember telling friends on the phone, "I can't explain it, I will write it to you." And I did. I wrote many letters, stories, and poems to anyone I wanted to communicate with. Friends, boys I liked, and even my family members would get these written expressions that I just couldn't seem to say out loud. It was around this time I got a type writer from Santa (yep, the big man HIMSELF) and started really going to town. I was 11, and all I cared about was
3. story telling. I would sit indian style on my bed in my house off of Pacific Terrace Drive and just fill up sheets and sheets of paper. My favorite part was naming the characters. There was Jackson Rose, she was a girl with a boy's name and you did not mess with her. There was Mr. Tiny Brown, he was not tiny. My most common character was my brother but I would disguise him with different aliases. I started getting notes home from my teachers telling my parents that I was going to be a writer. My teachers would ask for a 2 page report, and I'd turn in a 5 page report. Once I would get going, I just found it hard to stop. I started living through my characters and stories, and for the first time in my life, I started to feel alive. I got into poetry, online journaling, pen-paling, writing contests, and anything else that had to do with writing. I didn't know much about myself then, but what I knew was that I loved to write and I wouldn't ever stop. I never stopped, and though my life has changed dramatically since I first began writing, it is still my number one
4. creative outlet. I wrote a quote when I was 17 that goes like this, "I must create. In a moment, we are either simply living or we are simply dying. Creating is the only way to escape it, the only way to be something other than dead or alive." And it is true. Writing is creating. I create because I feel it is the only escape from just living or dying. It is the "more." It is the "why." When someone creates something, they have the CHOICE to share it or not share it. That is freedom. We have the freedom to liberate what we create and birth it into something that just doesn't live or die, it IS. And it wouldn't be without us. I am so passionate about this, that my hands are shaking now as I write this. Tim Burton could have kept the idea of Edward Scissorhands in his mind, J.K. Rowling could've left the entire WORLD of Harry Potter unknown to anyone else, Van Gogh could have kept the visions that haunted him and left them to their haunting, and Stevie Wonder could've given up what he simply couldn't see. But they didn't. They created and birthed things that will never die, they have been released and no one can EVER undo it or take it back. If you have anything you were born to do, want to do, or suck at doing but love it anyway, do it. Share it. Be it. There is a number 5. I write because
5. I am a writer.