someone like me.

when I found out I was pregnant with our second child, I knew right away that the baby inside of me was "someone like me." Chris is like me in some ways, Vaelyn is too, but this baby, I knew was someone who would be a lot like me.

when we decided to name that baby Moses, we immediately thought of the nickname Cozy Mosey, and knew it would be perfect for him. and it is. as soon as he was born, he was sensitive, sweet, and very cuddly. in fact, I think he was happiest when he was just be snuggled. he also loved to eat. which is also much like me.

after a few months of trying to get to know Moses, I found myself complaining to a good friend about how needy he was. she replied, "hey! you prayed for a snuggler!" which was so very true. Vaelyn and Chris are doers, they don't stop doing unless you force them to, and I did pray for a child who would be more like me, and be ok with just laying low at home with me while Chris and Vae went and conquered the world. Moses is an answer to prayer in many ways and he has taught me a lot about myself. he loves to be loved and he loves to give love. if I go and sit on the floor, it doesn't matter what he's doing, he will stop and crawl over to me and just kiss me and hug me and slobber all over me like he hasn't seen me in days. it's the greatest feeling in the world.

there are things about "us" that are harder to handle. like when he is over-extraverted or when he is overtired or when he is uncomfortable, what he feels is so amplified, and I have a hard time calming him down or making him feel safe. I know I am the same way. sometimes I get frustrated about it and just have to laugh, because it's like I am looking in the mirror and I suddenly realize what Chris has to deal with.

Mosey also has an incredible ear for music like I do. I have lost hearing in my left ear yet can always "hear" music that other people can't, like in a loud restaurant or music coming from somewhere far away. Moses has a deep love for music, as soon as he hears it, he comes whipping around the corner to find where it is coming from, or when I am singing to him, or Chris is playing his guitar, he just stops and stares at us. he loves it so much, and to see someone so little and young respond to something he loves is just the most magical thing. Vae has that same love for flipping off of things. :)

some days are really hard, and some days I almost feel defeated in my attempt of "getting to know Moses," as my daughter wasn't nearly as hard to figure out. but there is something great about us "hard-to-figure-out" people, we are who we are for a reason. I am so grateful to have someone like me to love, someone who teaches me about myself. he is someone who I know years from now, I will be able to talk to about things and he will understand what I am feeling because he has felt it himself.

Moses Louis, he is someone who is apart of me, someone who came from me, someone who I treasure so much. He is still new, everyday he is new, and everyday I love getting to know him, my son.

flower lightbulb bouquet.

hi friends! so, a very good friend of mine has a little sister, who is also a friend of mine and she happens to be getting married in August! Her name is Annie, and she is one exceptionally rad chick. Annie contacted me, and asked me to take her engagement photos. flattered, I accepted. when Annie had been over a few days before that, she told me all about her and her fiance's first date. she mentioned very briefly that she loved lightbulbs, and that her fiance, Ernest, had taken her to a restaurant in downtown Reno that had cool light fixtures, trying to woo her. (I think it worked) I didn't think twice about it. well, a few nights later, I woke up at 4 am and couldn't go back to sleep. I started thinking about Annie's photo shoot coming up, and like a flash, I envisioned a lightbulb bouquet made out of lightbulbs, wire, and coffee filters. I immediately grabbed my handy dandy iPhone and googled it, then checked pinterest, and too my surprise, saw nothing like what I had envisioned. I am not going to lie, I was so ecstatic, I had thought of something "new" and couldn't find it anywhere on the internet.

the next morning I told Chris about it, and he was on board to help make my vision come true. we went to home depot and bought just a few supplies and got to work. Here are some images that will explain how you can make your own light bulb bouquets!

check out a short youtube video here.


these bouquets can also be made with tissue paper or fabrics. you could even paint your coffee filters if you felt so inclined! run with it. special thanks to my wonderful hubby and to Annie, my inspiration! love to you all.

where we belong.

most days, I belong home. with my kiddos. teaching them all about the important things in life. like on rainy days, you watch the goonies, and lazy days, you turn into "laundry days", when you're in a rut, have an immediate Justin Timberlake dance party in the kitchen. things like that.

other days I belong in the streets, running here and running there making sure my family has what they need and frivolous tasks are getting taken care of.

sometimes I belong spending time with friends, helping friends with their babies, hanging out with other families and letting our kids figure out how to share, which is super fun, you should try it.

there is one thing I belong doing, that seems to be my favorite out of all these things. creating. how I love to create. whether it is writing, taking photos, editing photos, doing crafts, or even drawing with Vaelyn, I just love it. it soothes me, right through to my soul. and it always has.

I remember being in 4th grade, I asked for a typewriter for my birthday. all I wanted so badly was to just write and write and hear those keys punch letters into the typing paper. when I got my typewriter, I would spend hours sitting on my bed, writing short story after short story about the things that really mattered to that little girl I was. mostly I wrote about pain. the pain I felt and couldn't otherwise express but through these stories. I still have some of them, and though tears often come when I dig them out and read them, I can articulate now what I was going through at such a young age, and feel a sense of victory that only comes through growing up.

somewhere along the way, I would say high school, I really started fearing the feedback that I would get from the things I created. I almost never shared what I wrote or drew or made. and when I did, like when reading a paper aloud in English class, I shook and almost cried every time. haha, which is funny, because I am a pretty damn loud and bubbly person. (my friends say I'm a "selective extravert" which means I usually like people but can also be a total bitch at times. but I think they are thinking of the term "woman")

now I find myself realizing, I put every ounce of energy that I have into making my children feel safe and free to be who they are. if I am not operating in who I fully am because of fear of failure, rejection, or negative feedback (or no feedback), I am wasting that energy. I have a lot to learn. I have a far way to go. thinking about it even makes my heart sink. well I may feel the fear so bad my knees shake, but I'm going to keep on walking forward. and when you all see my knees shakin, don't laugh, just root me on. (or laugh, just do it behind my back)

where do you belong? I think some may argue that they don't know where they belong, or what they belong doing. I can understand that argument, as I often need a bus to hit me to help me realize things like that. but if we set aside fear and distractions, I think these things come much easier to us. I often envy people who seem to just know what they belong doing and just do it balls to the wall (what does that even mean? balls on a wall isn't a pretty picture in my mind), I am hoping to just join them. starting today.

mr. boombastic.

fear of failing. everyone has that fear, right? say yes. I am one of those people that has to self evaluate about every, I don't know, 15 seconds. I think a lot, I feel a lot, and I do those things hard. (that's what she said.)

I have a fear of failing, which often results in me not trying. or moving. or stepping out. I am slowly puttering up a hill that I think will change those things, once I reach the top and start sailing down.

puttering is better than nothing.

another thing I am currently fumbling with is remaining silent. I like to talk. to everyone. about everything. lately I am learning about relationship circles, and how I very easily put anyone and everyone in my closest circle. I don't think that is the way it is supposed to be. remaining silent is a good work out for me. brain work outs are just as exhausting as body work outs. I know, I checked, online.

so I know many of my blogs are me processing growing up and rambling on about feelings but that's where I'm at. I am growing up. I am realizing things, like I am not 17 anymore. which to you, is a very easy thing to realize about me. but inside, I will think and operate like 17 year-old Natalie, only to wake up one day and think, "whoa, I am not 17, and I have just spent a month or so thinking like I am." thinking like that girl does not benefit the life I am leading now. they should not mix, although I often let them only to look back and see the mess I created by unintentionally mixing them. but lucky for me, life goes on, life does not end once you realize your mistakes, it begins. a new life, a new day.

I am almost 26. I have been married for almost 7 years. I have been a mother for almost 4 years. these things define me, they have created a new me. I am still learning who she is, but I think I like her.

so, mr. boombastic. I really, really enjoy that song and always have.